I’ve had this strange feeling the last few days- one of a desire to be a part of something bigger. I long for a sense of community, but I can’t think of where I could find one. My daily train commute is spent reading (and it’s not like anyone else talks, anyway), I’m busy every minute of my day at work, then I go home and talk to my dog like a crazy person while I await my finance's return. I need my friends around more, I think.
But it’s not just that. I’m really missing the sense of community you get in school. I found a Master’s program that also has built-in Russian and German classes (which are vital to me, since I’m a novice at both), but I don’t know how to come up with the money. My finance's contract is expiring 2 weeks before we get married, and then it’s time to job-hunt again… Academics have been on my mind a lot lately, apparently. As we near the wedding, people are starting to bring up the “kids” issue. My fiancé feels that children make you immortal; that you will always live on in them and their children, et cetera. I disagree. They die, too, and to me the only thing that is immortal is something tangible. Books, articles, research- these are the things that are remembered. But I’m not totally cold and unfeeling. I’ve loved raising my puppy so far, and it’s been very interesting to watch her interactions with me, and how she responds to my moods and feelings.
However, these issues are going to have to get pushed to the back of my mind for now. It’s Friday, I got 3 hours of sleep because I saw the midnight screening of the new X-Files movie (everyone should go see it), and I’m hoping to go to the bar tonight. Let’s see if there’s another fight with some middle aged women…
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